July, 2011

Height = 168cm // Weight = 115lb (52kg aprox)

Hi, you can call me Virginia; I’m a 19 year - old girl who lives in Spain. I’ve been struggling with bulimia for about 6 years now; I’ve tried to recover 3 times, and this will be my 4 attempt.

Currently studying Medicine, and planing on specializing on Nutrition and Endocrinology

I don’t really have a long and sad story, it’s quite simple. I’ve never been overweight, I was a happy girl; I was average, not fat, not thin. I ate pizza, chicken, salads, fruits, veggies … everything in moderation. My mum was always cooking and trying new recipes and we loved all her dishes, so I was healthy; but when I was 8, some girls at school and my own sister started calling me “fat”, “pig”, “whale” … and I became really concerned about my body and my weight. It wasn’t until I was 12 when i decided to do something about it.

I remember using the stationary bike for about 20 minutes everyday and choosing healthier options at the supermarket … I always told my mum about it because she wrote the grocery list, and she thought it was a good idea. But I became obsessed about the exercise, the calories, my body … everything.

I didn’t weight myself the first time i decided I wanted to loose weight because it didn’t matter, I just wanted to make a difference and show those mean girls that I was better and that I could actually change for good. Then I started weighing myself and the pounds went off slowly as my curiosity grew. I started doing some research about diets, food, exercises, and I discovered some useful tips; then I discovered the so called “Ana & Mia community”. It was weird at first, but I finally gave in and all those ideas about restricting my intakes started making sense.

When I was 13 I purged for the first time. I thought “What the hell are you doing?!” I didn’t do it again for a long time because I was scared. Then I did it again … and it became a habit, something I could always use if I ate more than I was supposed to.

My mum noticed that, although I was eating the same amounts - if not more - I was getting thinner, and when I was 15, she discovered my “secret”. I promised her I would never do that again, and for about a year, I didn’t, but then again, I started purging when school became tougher and specially when I lost my group of friends. It was horrible; I cried for months, I felt worthless and lonely, I had no friends at school and I felt like a weirdo.

During all that year I made new friends, three, actually. As a really shy and timid person, it was a huge challenge for me, but i felt proud of myself; looking back now, I honestly have no idea how I did it. I changed a lot through the next couple of years. I went out to parties with my new friends, started drinking a bit, dancing … and I kept loosing weight and purging, but now I was happier.

Last year, on May, I went out with one of my friends, after purging that evening and with a toast and veggies in my body, I drunk a bit, and had an ethyl coma. I woke up at my mum’s hospital (both my parents are doctor, but she worked nearer than my father). She was crying and blaming herself.

My friend told my mum I had been purging again since few months ago, and she was devastated, I was too. I started a therapy and stopped purging again. I embraced a healthy lifestyle. I went vegetarian as a way to manage my eating habits. I started working out 7 times a week.

I thought I was going to gain a ton of weight, but surprisingly, I lost few pounds. Last summer, I weighted 46 kg. I felt so close to the body I always wanted to have that I was nearly fully satisfied with my lifestyle, and so I kept up with the good work.

Earlier this year, I started studying Medicine at the University. That meant changing my group of friends, changing my study habits and my sleeping patterns. Stress, food for comfort. The first 2 months were alright, I managed the stress the best I could by increasing my workouts. Then I crashed, started purging again.

I was still going to therapy, but my therapist didn’t think I had bulimia, just - and I quote - “emotional suffering that I relieved by eating and purging since I was really concerned about my external appearance” .

The therapy ended on January. I’ve been purging until the 30th of January, when I realized that my life is not what I want it to be. I think I’ve developed binge eating disorder too, but I’m not sure, and I can’t talk to anyone about it, since everyone around me think I’m recovered.

I’m not.

I’m trying though.

So yeah, I thought I should update my page since a lot of things having been going on lately in my life.

I love cooking, creating new recipes, changing a bit the ones I already now, checking their nutritional values to make them better and healthier and designing meal plans for myself.

I try to eat clean and workout every single day, and I’m trying to leave my ED in the past. I know what the recovery it’s like, because I’ve been there already, and I expect this to be hard, but it will be totally worth it in the end if I can fix myself. Don’t expect this blog to be about ED’s, I’m totally pro-health.

The fitblr community has been such a great inspiration for me and it’s helping me a lot. Since last year, when I created this blog, I’ve been trying to live my life in a more positive, healthy and active way. Relapses are just part of my journey, and every time I fall, I get back up stronger, I learn from my mistakes. I believe that the best way of earning knowledge is by trial and error.

I do believe that everything happen for a reason too

If you want to get to know me better or need someone to talk, come and say hi!

Also, I’m not a nutritionist, but If you need help or have any doubt, I’m studying Medicine, and I’ve been doing a lot of research on this subject, so I’ll try my best.